Short Jokes

Joke: A kid is standing alone in the batter's box with a bat and a ball. He throws it up and swings at it, "Strike one!"

He throws it up again, "Strike two!"

He throws it up a third time, "Strike three! You're out!"

He grabs the ball and says, "Dang I'm a good pitcher!"

Joke: A scientist and a philosopher are being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist makes some quick calculations and says, “It's no good trying to outrun it. It's catching up!” The philosopher keeps a little ahead and replies, “I'm not trying to outrun the lion, I'm trying to outrun you!”

Joke: Wilfred had just learned his ABCs and was very scared of reciting them in front of his class. He stood in front of the class trembling and began. "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ." His teacher said, "Very good, Wilfred. But you forgot the P. Where's the P?" He replied, "It's running down my leg."

Joke: A man comes home to his blonde wife crying violently. When he asks her what's wrong she replies "I've been working on this puzzle all day, but I can't figure it out! It's supposed to be a tiger."

Her husband grabs her hand gently and replies "Honey, put away the box of frosted flakes."

Joke: A boy comes home from school ecstatic and tells his dad that gay marriage may soon be legal where they live.

His dad asks him, "Why are you so happy? You got a boyfriend?"

His son replies, "It's just the principle dad."

His father shrugs, "At least it's not the priest."