Short Jokes

 

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Joke: A struggling zoo's main attraction, a gorilla, dies during their most popular season. They can't afford to lose the gorilla so they secretly hire one of the employees to be a gorilla in a suit for an extra $500 a week.

He quickly becomes even more popular than the original gorilla, everyone wants to see the human-like gorilla.

After a few months his popularity begins to wane so he decides to raise the stacks. He climbs out of his enclosure and dangles from a tree in the lion exhibit but he loses his grip and falls. Scared he begins to yell for help, "Somebody help!"

With this the lion pounces on top of him and whispers, "Shut up or you'll get us both fired!"


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Joke: A blonde, a brunette and a red head are having their lunches. The blonde little girl says, "I'm sick of PB&J, we should all jump off the school tomorrow if we get it again tomorrow." The other girls agree.

The next day they all meet up on the roof of the school and open their lunch boxes to expose three PB&J sandwiches. So they all jump.

That night at the hospital the families of the girls are in the waiting room. The brunette and red headed girl's parents are crying, but the blonde girls parents are silent and confused. The other parents approach them and ask them why they are acting so strangely. The blonde mother responds, "I just don't understand. She makes her own lunch."


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Joke: An antique dealer is walking through town and sees a cat drinking milk from a saucer in a shop window. He is shocked when he realizes that the saucer is very rare and expensive.

He enters the shop and asks the owner "Hey, I really like the cat. Would you be willing to sell it to me?"

The store owner replies "Not for sale."

The antique dealer thinking quickly responds "I'll give you $100 for it."

The shop owner agrees and the antique dealer grabs the cat. He acts like he is about to leave then adds "Oh, would you mind throwing in the saucer, the cat seems to like it."

The shop owner replies "No, that's my lucky saucer. I've sold hundreds of cats since I got it."


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Joke: A wealthy lawyer is driving down the road in his limo when he sees two men eating grass on the side of the road. He pulls over to investigate.

He asks one of the men, "Why are you eating this disgusting grass?"

The man replies, "I'm too poor, it's all we have."

The lawyer replies, "You and your buddy can come home with me and I'll feed you."

The man replies, "But sir, we both have families."

The lawyer replies, "Bring them all!" So they all pile into the car.

One of the men's wives turns to the lawyer and tells him, "Thank you so much sir, we really needed this."

The lawyer responds, "No problem, the grass is almost a foot tall, you'll love it!"


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Joke: Two eager athletes approach the football coach telling him they want to play on his football team. Okay says the coach, but first we have to give you a test to see if you're intelligent enough to play on my team (select your least favorite college team). They go to the classroom for the test. The first question on the test is " Old MacDonald had a ______." After a few minutes, one of the guys whispers to the other... "Hey... what did old MacDonald have?" The other guy exclaims, "You dummy! Old MacDonald had a FARM!!" "Ohh Yeah.... Okay." says the first guy. A couple of minutes later, the first guy whispers again... " Hey... how do you spell FARM?" "Oh c'mon you dummy. Don't you remember the song?


Punch line: "Old Mac Donald had a farm! E-I-E-I-O!!!"


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