Long Jokes

Joke: A king is about to go to war so he locks up his beautiful wife and hands his best friend a key, "If I'm not back in 4 days, she's yours."

The king rides off to war, but he immediately sees his friend riding up beside him. "What's wrong?" Demands the king.

His friend replies with labored breath, "Wrong key."

Joke: A man got his house painted. When the painters were done they handed him the bill. He was surprised to find that the painters were not charging him for paint, just labor. He asked them, "You did a great job, why didn't you charge me for paint?"

The painter replies, "Don't worry about the paint, it's on the house."

Joke: A drill sergeant is yelling at one of his cadets, "You hate me don't you maggot?!"

The cadet replies, "Sir, no sir!"

The sergeant yells back, "I bet you're gonna piss on my grave after I die, aren't you?"

The cadet yells back, "Sir, no sir! I'm never going to wait in lines again when I get back."

Joke: In a football game the qb says shotgun. A defensive player gets his car, sits in the passenger seat, and yells shotgun. The qb says shotgun again. The defensive player gets a shotgun and shoots. The qb says hut and the defensive player brings a hut. The qb asks what are you doing? The defensive player says what you asked.

Joke: A child asks her mom "Why am I named Daisy"? The mother replies "because I dropped a daisy on your head when you were born." Her next child asks her "Why am I named Rose". The mother says "cause I dropped a rose on your head when you were born". The mother's third child says "ahghhhh" and the mother says "Shut up Deuce."