Long Jokes

Joke: A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

Joke: 1,000,000 seconds = approx 11.5 days Add 3 more zero's to change 1 million to 1 billion. (Its only 3 more zero's right?) 1,000,000,000 seconds = approx 31.7 years. Now add 3 more zero's changing 1 billion into 1 trillion. (Its only 3 more zero's right?) 1,000,000,000,000 seconds = approx 31.7 thousand years. Now you know.

Joke: A guy walks into a bank with a gun and starts to rob the place. He tells everybody to get down and if anybody looks at him he will kill them. With this somebody looks at him and he promptly shoots them. He then asks everybody, "Did anyone else look at me?"

One guy raises his hand and says, "I think my wife took a peek."

Joke: It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: "Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing."

Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "Will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class."

Joke: A wife and her husband are at the dentist. The wife tells the dentist, "I don't have time for anesthesia, just hurry up and pull it."

The dentist replies, "You sure are a brave woman. Just show me which tooth it is and you'll be on your way."

The woman turns to her husband and says, "Open your mouth honey."