Long Jokes

Joke: I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me... Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

Joke: A man has always had the dream of being in a circus. He approaches a man in charge of a circus and tells him, "I can do the best bird impression you have ever seen."

The man in charge says, "That's nothing special, a lot of people can do bird impressions."

The man turns and says, "Okay." Then he starts to flap his arms and flies away.

Joke: A lady walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic. He asks her, "Why would you want arsenic?"

She replies, "To kill my husband!"

He replies, "I'm not selling you arsenic for that!"

She hands him a photo of her husband with his wife in bed. The pharmacist replies, "Oh, I didn't know you had a prescription!"

Joke: There was a boy who didn't know the meaning of pregnant, so he went to his mom to ask but his mom looked at him in anger that's why he thought pregnant means anger. The next day, he fell on the neighbor's girl. The girl's mom then said to the boy: "What insolent behavior is this?" So the boy answered, "I fell on the girl. Why are you getting pregnant?"

Joke: A mathematician, a statistician, and an accountant are all up for the same job. The board asks each of them the same section, "What is 100 + 200?"

The mathematician replies, "300."

The statistician replies, "300, with 95 % certainty."

The accountant says in a hushed voice, "What do you want it to be?" He gets the job.