Long Jokes

Joke: A man joins a golfing tournament, but he is a terrible golfer. Lucky for him an evil leprechaun lives on the course and offers him a deal, "I will make you win this tournament, if you promise to never marry!"

The man agrees and indeed wins the tournament. Afterwards the leprechaun approaches the man, "Remember, you can't marry anybody now!"

Adjusting his collar the priest replies, "Yeah, whatever."

Joke: A brunette woman challenges a blonde woman to a swimming race across the English Channel. The brunette tells her, "You have to breast stroke all the way."

The brunette finishes up the race within a few hours and waits for the blonde. She waits and waits and eventually falls asleep.

The next morning she wakes up to the blonde standing over her extremely angry yelling, "You used your arms!"

Joke: A blonde goes to the doctor after hurting herself. The doctor tells her, "You're going to have to take it easy at work for a couple of weeks." He then gives her a note for her employer.

When the blonde brings the note to her employer he tells her, "Okay, I guess you're going to have to have light duty for the next few weeks."

The blonde replies, "Oh no! I don't know how to change lights."

Joke: A group full of very ugly people die in a bus accident. When they come to God he grants them all one last wish. The first person says "I wish I was beautiful!" God makes them beautiful. This goes on and all of the people wish to be beautiful until he gets to the last person. The last person is laughing historically and God asks him "Why are you laughing?" The man replies "I wish they were all ugly again."

Joke: A kid is at his interview for a job at a burger joint and is asked "What do you expect to get paid hourly?"

The young man replies "I was thinking about $20 an hour."

The interviewer replies "Okay, we can do that. You can also have one month paid vacation, dental, and medical."

The boy gets excited "Are you joking?!"

The interviewer replies "Yeah, but you started it."