Long Jokes

Joke: A blonde girl and her boyfriend are at a bar watching the news. Suddenly a news story comes onto the screen, a man is standing on a bridge threatening to jump. The blonde says "I bet you $100 he doesn't jump."

Her boyfriend takes the bet and the man eventually jumps. After the blonde pays her boyfriend he admits to her "I saw this on the news an hour ago, take your money back."

She replies "I saw it too. I just never thought he would jump twice in one day!"

Joke: The king of France is going to have a visit with Brock Obama. The king of France doesn't speak or understand English. He gets someone to help him practice his greeting. The translator says you will ask the president how are you? He will say fine, and you? Than you say me too. He practices until he think he has it memorized. When he see Brock Obama he ask: who are you? The president thinks and than says I'm president Brock Obama, and you? Than the king of France says me too.

Joke: A little old man told his wife, "I have to go to my doctor's appointment now. I'll see you later."

After he left, his wife sat down on the couch and watched television. A news report came on that someone was driving down the interstate highway in the wrong direction. Knowing that that was the route he would be on, she called to warn him, "Honey, there's a car going in the wrong direction!"

The husband replied, "They're all going in the wrong direction!"

Joke: Johnny is on his grandpa's farm in the rabbit enclosure. The ground is covered in rabbit droppings. Johnny asks, "What are all of the pellets on the floor grandpa?"

His grandpa replies, "Oh those? Those are smart pills. You eat them and you get smarter."

Johnny likes the sound of that so he grabs a large handful of them and shoves them into his mouth, "Yuck! Grandpa, these taste like crap."

His grandpa replies, "You're getting smarter already."

Joke: A Jewish man is riding the train reading an Arab newspaper. His friend happens to also be on the train and confronts, "What are you doing reading that?!"

The man replies, "I got sick of the Jewish newspapers. All I ever read about was Jes living in poor conditions, Israel getting attacked, and Jews being persecuted...

Now that I read the Arab newspaper we rule the world! We control the media, run the banks, and are all wealthy. That's much better news!"