Long Jokes

Joke: Three men have been given life sentences and are allowed to bring one thing for fun. The first one brings a deck of cards. He says, "I brought these to pass the time when we're bored."

The second one brings a harmonica and says, "I brought this to cheer us up when we're down."

The final man, who happened to be blond, brought tampons. The other men ask him, "What the hell did you bring those for?"

He replies, "The back says you can swim, run, and play sports with these."

Joke: A truck driver is delivering some penguins to the zoo. But his truck breaks down in a dessert near the zoo. Luckily, a pickup truck soon comes by. The driver flags him down and hands him $300 saying, "Take these penguins to the zoo."

A few hours later he sees the same guy heading the opposite way with the penguins still in the back. He yells at the man, "You were supposed to take them to the zoo!"

The guy replies, "I did, but we had money left over so we're going to the movies."

Joke: It was a really hot day at the office because the air conditioning was down. There were about twenty people in close quarters and everyone was sweating.

All of a sudden, people started to wrinkle their noses at an odor passing through the air. It was the most hideous smell anyone had ever smelled.

One man, popping his head out of his cubicle said, "Oh, man! Someone's deodorant isn't working!"

A man in the corner replied, "It can't be me... I'm not wearing any."

Joke: An old blacksmith realized he was going to have to retire soon, so he picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice.

The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions" he told the boy, "Just do whatever I tell you to do."

One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. "Get the hammer over there. When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard."

The town is currently looking for a new blacksmith.

Joke: Three elderly ladies are discussing their mental health. The first lady says, "Today I was at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember if I had just gone up or was about to go down."

The second lady says, "I was sitting at the edge of my bed and I couldn't remember if I was about to sleep or just woke up."

The final lady says, "My memory is as good as ever, knock on wood." With this she hits the table twice. Suddenly she is startled and looks up, "Who's there?"