Long Jokes

Joke: Little Johnny was in class and yells out, "Hey teach, I gotta take a piss." The disgusted teacher asks her students, "Class, can anyone think of a different word to use other than the word piss?" And little Suzy raises her hand and says the word, "Urinate." The teacher says that is very good then tells little Johny that he can go to the bathroom as soon as he can use the word 'urinate' in a sentence. So he thinks about it for a moment and says, "Well teach, urinate but if you had bigger tits you'd be a 10 !"

Joke: Three elderly men are sitting together and discussing what they want their family and friends to say when they are lying in their casket at their funeral.

The first man says "I want them to say I was a great father and a great friend. I want them to say I could always be counted on."

The second guy says "I just want them to talk about how much I changed the world, and how I left it a better place."

The third man says "I want them to look right at me and say: 'Look! He's moving!'"

Joke: A blonde, brunette, and red head are all talking about what their dreams were when they were kids. The brunette says, "I wanted to be a princess. I was so dumb."

The red head says, "I wanted to be a movie star. I was so crazy."

The blonde says, "I wanted to be the first person to travel around the sun, but I still haven't given up."

The brunette tells her, "If you came that close to the sun you would burn."

The blonde laughs at her, "That's why I would go at night!"

Joke: Two men go on a fishing trip. They rent everything they need for the trip including the cabin.

The first day they go fishing they don't catch anything. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they're driving home one of them turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?"

The other guy says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"

Joke: Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, Joe Biden, and their pilot are flying aboard Air Force 1 over the United States.

Barack: "Why don't I throw this hundred dollar bill out of the window and make someone very happy."

Michelle: "Well, I could throw throw ten hundred dollar bills out of the window and make ten people happy."

Joe: "Why don't you jump out Barack, and make me very happy?"

Pilot: "Why don't you all jump out and make 300 million people happy?"