Good Jokes

Joke: Chuck Norris almost got Mr. T's role on the A-Team, but then he heard he would have to pity fools.

Joke: What did the noodles say to the butter?

Joke: A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower. "There is a blind man to see you." she says. "Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if I'm in the shower. Send him in."

The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them. She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: "That's nice and all, ma'am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds?"

Joke: A British man, Frenchman, and American are on an African safari when they are captured by cannibals. The cannibal leader addresses them, "I'm sorry gentlemen, but I must follow our traditions."

The Brit replies, "What does that mean?"

The cannibal replies, "We will kill you, eat you, cook you, and make canoes from your skin. But we're not all bad, we'll let you choose your death."

The Brit steps up first and says, "Give me a pistol." He puts it to his head and yells, "God save the Queen!"

Next the Frenchman asks, "Can I have a sword?" As he runs into the sword he yells, "Viva la France!"

Finally, the American asks for a fork. He begins to stab himself repeatedly everywhere. The cannibal leader yells at him, "What in the world are you doing?!"

The American yells, "Good luck with my canoe, assholes!"

Joke: Two men are walking by a restaurant and one of them says, "That smells amazing! Lets get something."

The other man replies, "But they don't let dogs in, what are we going to do with them."

The first man puts on a pair of sunglasses and has his friend do the same and says, "Follow my lead."

He starts to walk into the restaurant and the waiter stops him, "You cannot bring dogs in here sir."

The man gets offended, "Excuse me sir! This is my seeing eye dog, I am blind."

The waiter questions this, "But your dog is a pit bull?"

The man replies, "I know, I am a very important person, I need protection as well."

The first man passes through and the second man begins to walk through when the waiter stops him and asks him the same question. The man replies, "This is my seeing eye dog too."

The waiter replies, "Really? A chihuahua?"

The man freaks out, "What?! They gave me a chihuahua?!"