Good Jokes

Joke: How do you know when your hallucinations are getting better?

Joke: Chuck Norris doesn't have a star on Hollywood Blvd, he has an entire constellation.

Joke: Two kids are in the bathroom. As one is leaving the other yells to him, "In the fourth grade they teach us to wash our hands after we pee."

The other kid yells back, "In the fifth grade they teach us not to piss on our hands."

Joke: A man goes out with his friends for the night. Before he leaves he tells his wife, "I promise I will be home by midnight."

Midnight comes and goes. He finally arrives home at about 3 AM. As he walks in he realizes the cuckoo clock is about to go off. As it begins to go off he has a flash of genius and decides to coo another 9 times. He sneaks in to bed satisfied with himself.

The next morning he wakes up and his wife has breakfast made. She doesn't seem to be mad. Satisfied with himself he asks her, "You sleep okay last night?"

She replies, "Yeah, but we need a cuckoo clock."

He asks her why and she tells him, "Last night it cooed 3 times. Then it yelled, 'Crap!' It cooed another 6 times and giggled a little bit. Finally it cooed 3 more times, farted, and tripped on the carpet."

Joke: Chuck Norris urinated near a truck once. We now know that truck as Optimus Prime.