Funny Jokes

Joke: Thomas was out of work with the flu for a couple of weeks. When he gets back to work his friend Joe asks him, "Hey, are you doing okay?"

Thomas replies, "It was the best!"

Joe replies, "What? Weren't you sick?"

"My wife truly loves me," Thomas explains,"Every time a delivery guy or the mailman came to the door she would run to the door yelling, 'My husband is home! My husband is home!'"

Joke: Why did the hipster burn his lips?

Joke: The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having a drink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."

So the Doberman says "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies "That's not good enough."

The Bulldog says "I hate liver and cheese." She says "Still not good enough."

Finally, the Chihuahua says "Liver alone... cheese mine."

Joke: It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: "Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing."

Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "Will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class."

Joke: Why was everybody extremely surprised when Sally failed her driving test?