Funny Jokes

Joke: A blonde woman has lived in Russia for many years. One day a government official comes to her and tells her, "Miss, quite a while back there was an error by a surveyor. You actually live in Ukraine."

The blonde replies, "Thank god! I don't think I could make it through one more Russian winter."

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
Suspense.
Suspense who?
...... Ah!

Joke: A man and his wife are pulled over by a police officer. The officer walks up to the man's window and says "Sir you were going 60 in a 45."

The man says "I was only going 55!"

His wife hits him in the arm and says "No, you were going 65." He gives her a very dirty look.

The officer continues "I'm also going to have to give you a ticket for a broken taillight."

The man says "Broken taillight? I had no idea."

His wife hits him in the arm again and says "What? I've been telling you to get it fixed for weeks."

The man yells "Will you be quiet?"

The officer looks at his wife and asks "Mam, does he always talk to you that way?"

The mans wife shrugs and says "Only when he drinks."

Joke: A man brings his girlfriend into his room and tells her to sit down "There is something I have to tell you."

She replies "What is it?"

He tells her "I don't want you to be my girlfriend anymore."

She immediately jumps up and screams at him "I never want to see you again!"

The man, dumbfounded, says to himself "Well that was a waste of a $5,000 engagement ring..."

Joke: The manager of a factory is looking to make the factory more cost efficient. He calls all of his employees to the floor and tells them, "The first man to come up with a great way for us to save money will get $5,000."

A man in front quickly raises his hand. The manager asks him, "That was quick, what's your idea Tom?"

Tom swiftly replies, "Make it $2,000?"