Funny Jokes

Joke: An old man lies on his deathbed as he holds his wife's hand, "Dear, these are my last moments. Please be honest with me. Our 5th boy, Donald, looks very different from all of the others. He has a different dad from the others, doesn't he."

Weeping, his wife cries out, "Yes! I'm sorry sorry!"

The man replies, "Who? Who is the father?"

The wife looks back at him deeply and says, "It's you..."

Joke: Only a week after Christmas an irate Mum stormed into the toyshop. "I'm bringing back this unbreakable toy fire engine," she said to the man behind the counter. "It's useless!" "Surely he hasn't broken it already?" "No, he's broken all his other toys with it."

Joke: Two cupcakes are in the oven together cooking and one of them says "If we don't get out of here alive, I love you man."

The other cupcake says "Oh my gosh... A talking cupcake!"

Joke: A 90-year-old man goes to the doctor for his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he is and he replies, "Great, I'm 90 years old, I have an 20 year old bride, and she's pregnant with my child."

The doctor looks at him for a second, "Let me tell you a story. A knew a man who loved to hunt. One day he went out and was in such a hurry he grabbed an umbrella instead of a gun. As soon as he got out there a bear jumped out of the woods at him. He grabbed his umbrella, pointed it at the bear, and squeezed the handle. You know what happened next?"

The old man, dumbfounded, replies, "No, what?"

"The bear dropped dead right there!"

The old man protests, "Someone else must have shot the bear!"

The doctor nods, "Exactly."

Joke: A man in a bar sees a friend at a table drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments "You look terrible. What's the problem?"

"My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000."

"Gee, that's tough," he replied.

"Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000."

"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."

"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."

"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."

"And this month," continued, the friend sadly, "Nothing."