Funny Jokes

Joke: Three elderly men are sitting together and discussing what they want their family and friends to say when they are lying in their casket at their funeral.

The first man says "I want them to say I was a great father and a great friend. I want them to say I could always be counted on."

The second guy says "I just want them to talk about how much I changed the world, and how I left it a better place."

The third man says "I want them to look right at me and say: 'Look! He's moving!'"

Joke: A man owns a very large farm. One night one of his employees tip him off that there are a bunch of women skinny dipping in his pond. He rushes to the pond with a bucket.

When he approaches the pond all of the young women go to the deep end. One of them yells at him, "We aren't getting out until you go away!"

He replies, "Oh I'm not here to see any of you naked, I just want to feed the alligator."

Joke: Why did the TV show about the airplane never make it past the first episode?

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
John Smith Alexander Thomas Eisenhower William Joesph Harvey Jr. the third!
...
That's what I thought.

Joke: A man and his wife are listening to a guy explain his religious beliefs saying, "Every time you die you are reincarnated as a different creature."

His wife replies, "I want to be a cow!"

The man says, "No, a different one."