Funny Jokes

Joke: Did you hear about the guy who spent 5 years trying to find a limo driver who would take his cat around the town?

Joke: What do vegetarian zombies eat?

Joke: A lady walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic. He asks her, "Why would you want arsenic?"

She replies, "To kill my husband!"

He replies, "I'm not selling you arsenic for that!"

She hands him a photo of her husband with his wife in bed. The pharmacist replies, "Oh, I didn't know you had a prescription!"

Joke: A British man, Frenchman, and American are on an African safari when they are captured by cannibals. The cannibal leader addresses them, "I'm sorry gentlemen, but I must follow our traditions."

The Brit replies, "What does that mean?"

The cannibal replies, "We will kill you, eat you, cook you, and make canoes from your skin. But we're not all bad, we'll let you choose your death."

The Brit steps up first and says, "Give me a pistol." He puts it to his head and yells, "God save the Queen!"

Next the Frenchman asks, "Can I have a sword?" As he runs into the sword he yells, "Viva la France!"

Finally, the American asks for a fork. He begins to stab himself repeatedly everywhere. The cannibal leader yells at him, "What in the world are you doing?!"

The American yells, "Good luck with my canoe, assholes!"

Joke: Two guys walk into a bar. They look to the right and see a doctor, a priest, and a Rabbi. They look ahead and see a blonde, a brunette, and a red head. They look to the left and see a genie, a chicken, and a salesman.

One of the guys turns to the other, "Lets get out of here. This place is a joke."