Funny Jokes

Joke: What's the best way to choose a mattress?

Joke: What two things are parents worried about these days?

Joke: A Jewish man is riding the train reading an Arab newspaper. His friend happens to also be on the train and confronts, "What are you doing reading that?!"

The man replies, "I got sick of the Jewish newspapers. All I ever read about was Jes living in poor conditions, Israel getting attacked, and Jews being persecuted...

Now that I read the Arab newspaper we rule the world! We control the media, run the banks, and are all wealthy. That's much better news!"

Joke: A gymnast walks into a bar... She gets deducted 5 points.

Joke: A military captain approaches a prostitute and asks her, "Would you enjoy my company for $100?"

She replies, "Of course, a handsome military man like you."

The captain turns around, "COMPANY! FORWARD!"