Funny Jokes

Joke: Three foreign guys came to america, and they knew no english. the first guy liked watching dora, and learned the phrase: "we did it!" the second guy liked going to restarantus, so he learned the phrase: "forks and knives". finally they all went to a candy store and the third guy learned:"he stole my lollipop". click on show punchline to see what happens.

Joke: Three elderly ladies are discussing their mental health. The first lady says, "Today I was at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember if I had just gone up or was about to go down."

The second lady says, "I was sitting at the edge of my bed and I couldn't remember if I was about to sleep or just woke up."

The final lady says, "My memory is as good as ever, knock on wood." With this she hits the table twice. Suddenly she is startled and looks up, "Who's there?"

Joke: Which bird is tall and wealthy?

Joke: A thief walks up to a man, pulls out a knife, and says "Give me all of your money."

The man, surprised, says "You can't rob me, I'm a congressman!"

The thief responds "In that case, give me my money!"

Joke: Two men are walking by a restaurant and one of them says, "That smells amazing! Lets get something."

The other man replies, "But they don't let dogs in, what are we going to do with them."

The first man puts on a pair of sunglasses and has his friend do the same and says, "Follow my lead."

He starts to walk into the restaurant and the waiter stops him, "You cannot bring dogs in here sir."

The man gets offended, "Excuse me sir! This is my seeing eye dog, I am blind."

The waiter questions this, "But your dog is a pit bull?"

The man replies, "I know, I am a very important person, I need protection as well."

The first man passes through and the second man begins to walk through when the waiter stops him and asks him the same question. The man replies, "This is my seeing eye dog too."

The waiter replies, "Really? A chihuahua?"

The man freaks out, "What?! They gave me a chihuahua?!"