Funny Jokes

Joke: Two brothers, Timmy and Tommy, are very mischievous so they are sent to a religious reform school.

Almost immediately Timmy gets in trouble and is sent to the principle's office. The large principle looks at Timmy and asks "Do you know where God is?" Timmy's eyes get large but he doesn't say a word. The principle asks again louder "Do you know where God is?!" Timmy suddenly runs out of the room screaming.

Tommy discovers his brother crying in the corner of their room and asks him "What's wrong?"

Timmy responds "They don't know where God is and they think I took him!"

Joke: Sherlock Homes and his partner, Watson, are going camping. After a few hours of sleeping under their tent, Sherlock wakes up Watson. When Watson finally wakes up, Sherlock says "Watson, look up, what do you see?" "I see billions of millions of stars in the distant universe." Replied Watson. In respones, Sherlock says "And what can you conclude from that?" Watson begins to go deep into the theory of space, but less than three sentences in, Sherlock cuts of Watson and says "No you idiot, it means someone stole our tent."

Joke: A teacher was giving a lesson on blood circulation. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said "Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would rush into it, and I should turn red in the face."

"Yes, sir." the boys

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position, my feet don't turn red from blood?"

Little Johnny shouted "It's because your feet aren't empty."

Joke: A burglar breaks into a house and while he's searching for valuables he hears "Jesus is watching you." He looks around but only sees a parrot in the corner. He walks up to the parrot and asks "Are you the little guy who was talking to me?" The parrot says "Yes, my name is Ronald." The burglar laughs and says "What kind of idiot gives a parrot a stupid name like that." The parrot laughs and says "The same idiot who names his Pitbull Jesus."

Joke: An elderly man thinks his wife is losing her hearing so he calls their doctor. The doctor tells him "We need to figure out how bad her hearing is. Using a normal tone, talk to her at various distances until she can hear you."

That night the man decides to try this. He estimates he is sitting about 30 feet from his wife and asks her, "What's for dinner?"

He hears nothing so he moves a little closer; about 20 feet away. He asks her again, "What's for dinner?" Still nothing.

Finally, he gets right next to her and asks, "What's for dinner?"

She finally hears him and responds "For the third time, chicken!"