Funny Jokes

Joke: A woman is pulled over and the officer asks her for her license. He looks at it and says "Ma'm, your license says you should be wearing glasses?"

The woman replies "I have contacts sir."

The officer gets mad and yells "I don't care who you know, you're getting a ticket!"

Joke: There is a blonde, brunette, and a red head running away from a bad guy and they decide to hide in a barn. They all quickly find hiding spots. The red head hides behind a cow, the brunette hides behind a horse, and the blonde hides behind a sack of potatoes.

The bad guy comes in and when he passes the cow the red head says "Moo!". When he passes the horse the brunette says "Nay!" Finally he comes to the potatoes and the blonde says "PO-TA-TOE!"

Joke: Three girls are sitting together at a bar: a blonde, a brunette, and a girl with green hair. A man walks up to them and says "You girls have beautiful hair. Do you dye it?"

The blonde looks at him and runs her hand through her hair saying "It's all natural."

The brunette looks at him and runs her hand through her hair saying "It's all natural."

Finally the green haired girl sneezes into her hand and runs her hand through her hair saying "It's all natural."

Joke: A blind man walks into a bar and sits for a while with nobody talking to him. He says "Anybody want to hear a blonde joke?"

The bartender tells him "Before you tell it I just want to let you know there is a cage fighting blonde on one side of you and a large blonde softball player on the other side. I'm also a blonde and I can bench 300 pounds. Do you still want to tell that joke?"

The blind man replies "Obviously not! I don't have time to explain the joke 3 times."

Joke: A rancher was minding his own business when an FBI agent comes up to him and says, "We got a tip that you may be growing illegal drugs on the premises. Do you mind if I take a look around?"

The old rancher replies, "That's fine, you shouldn't go over there though." As he points at one of his fields.

The FBI agent snaps at him, "I'm am a federal agent! I can go wherever I want!" With this he pulls out his badge and shoves it into the ranchers face.

The rancher shrugs this off and continues with his daily chores. About 15 minutes later he hears a loud scream from the field he pointed out earlier. Suddenly he sees the FBI agent sprinting towards him with a large bull on his heels. The rancher rushes to the fence and yells "Your badge! Show him your badge!"