Funny Jokes

Joke: How do you wake Lady Gaga up in the morning?

Joke: A blonde, brunette, and a red head are stuck on the roof of a house. Fire fighters are holding a blanket for them to jump onto. They tell the brunette to jump to safety. When she jumps they pull the blanket away and she hurts her butt.

Next the fire fighters tell the red head she needs to jump or she'll never get down. She refuses because she is scared they will pull the blanket away. They tell her "It was an accident." So she jumps and they pull the blanket away. She hurts her butt and yells at them.

Finally the blonde gets smart and tells them "I know what you're going to do. Just lay the blanket on the ground and back away."

Joke: A snail walks into a car dealership and asks them if he could get an 'S' painted on the hood of a particular car. The salesman asks him why and he responds "I want people to yell 'Look at that S car go!'"

Joke: Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop when a bus pulls up. The first blonde leans into the bus and asks "Will this bus take me to 1st Avenue?"

The bus driver tells her no. The second blonde leans in and whispers "What about me?"

Joke: The first twelve months of children's lives are spent teaching them to walk and talk. The next seventeen years are spent telling them to sit down and shut up!