Funny Jokes

Joke: A blonde woman decides to start a handyman service to make some extra money. She walks around a wealthy neighborhood and walks up to the first house.

A man answers the door and she asks if there is anything she can do. He tells her "The porch need painted, how much would that cost?"

She replies "How does $50 sound?" He agrees and she gets to work.

When the man goes back into his house his wife asks him "Does she know the porch wraps around the house?" He tells her "She has to, she saw it."

About an hour later she comes to the door to collect her money. She says "I had extra paint so I put on two coats." The man is really impressed and gives her the money. She thanks him and says "And by the way, it's a BMW, not a porch."

Joke: A man approaches a blonde woman and asks her "Do you get many blonde jokes?"

She replies "No."

The man says "That's what I thought."

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
Sham!
Sham who?
Are you calling me fat?

Joke: It was so cold out today, I saw a lawyer put his hands in his own pockets.

Joke: A man is jogging down the road and he sees a boy eating a candy bar with a ton of wrappers sitting next to him. The man tells him "Kid, it isn't good for you to sit there all day eating candy bars."

The kid scowls at him and says "Hey mister, my grandpa is 98 years old and still walking around."

The jogger asks him "And he sits around eating candy all day?"

The boy replies "No, but he minds his own business."