Funny Jokes

Joke: A man's penis is severed in a car accident. He is crushed but is awarded $90,000 in a lawsuit afterwards. But while he's at the doctor's office his doctor tells him there is a new surgery for penis reconstruction. He can get a new penis for $10,000 an inch. Extremely happy he says, "I have to talk to my wife! I'll be back tomorrow to tell you how long we want it!"

The next day the man returns and the doctor asks him how long he wants it. Dejected the man replies, "We're getting a new kitchen."

Joke: An American guy goes to Europe to get laid. He takes a girl from the club back to his hotel room. After the first round he asks her, "You finish?" She shakes her no.

They go for a second time and again he asks her, "You finish?" But again she shakes her head.

They do it a third time and he is exhausted at this point. He asks her, "You finish?"

She replies, "No, I'm Norwegian."

Joke: A private is standing outside in the smoking area when he is approached by a young lieutenant, "Private, do you have change for a dollar?!"

The private replies, "I sure do pal."

The lieutenant yells back, "I am not your pal! You will address me as an officer and give me the respect I have earned maggot! Stand at attention and tell me again, do you have change for a dollar?"

The private, now standing perfectly erect says, "Sir, no sir!"

Joke: A snail walks into a car dealership and asks them if he could get an 'S' painted on the hood of a particular car. The salesman asks him why and he responds "I want people to yell 'Look at that S car go!'"

Joke: An old blacksmith realized he was going to have to retire soon, so he picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice.

The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions" he told the boy, "Just do whatever I tell you to do."

One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. "Get the hammer over there. When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard."

The town is currently looking for a new blacksmith.