Funny Jokes

Joke: A grocer puts up a sign above his turkeys, "$5 each or $20 for three."

All day long people approach him outraged by his incorrect math, "It should be $15 for three, I'll just buy them separately."

All day people come buy and just buy them separately for less after yelling at him.

After one of his employees watch this go on all day he asks him, "Are you going to fix the sign or what?"

The grocer replies, "What do I need to fix? Before I put up the sign nobody bought three turkeys."

Joke: What do you do if you are getting chased by a tiger, lion, and elephant chasing you on horseback?

Joke: A woman had twin babies and fell asleep immediately after. A couple of weeks later she finally wakes up and asks the doctor "Where is my baby?!"

The doctor replies "They are both fine, you have a beautiful boy and girl. Your husband went back to work and you were out so long that your brother named them."

The woman looked concerned "Oh no. What did he name them?"

"He named the girl Denise," The doctor replies.

The woman, relieved "Well that's not so bad. What about the boy?"

"Denephew."

Joke: What do you call somebody who spends money uncontrollably and eventually purchases an entire mall?

Joke: A woman is pulled over and the officer asks her for her license. He looks at it and says "Ma'm, your license says you should be wearing glasses?"

The woman replies "I have contacts sir."

The officer gets mad and yells "I don't care who you know, you're getting a ticket!"