Funny Jokes

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
Mayonnaise!
Mayonnaise who?
Mayonnaise a lot of people in here!

Joke: A man a his wife are having dinner when a beautiful woman approaches their table and kissed the man on the cheek and walks away. His wife asks, "Who the hell was that?"

He replies, "My mistress..."

His wife shouts, "What? I want a divorce!"

He calmly replies, "Fine. But remember, you signed a prenup. If we get divorced that means no more vacations, no more shopping trips, no more credit cards, and no more beautiful house or car. But it's up to you."

She looks at him for a moment then notices one of their mutual friends entering with a beautiful lady, "Who's that with John?" she asks.

He tells her, "That's his mistress."

His wife smiles, "Ours is prettier."

Joke: Why did the tea fall down a hill?

Joke: What do you call a cow that gets an abortion?

Joke: John approaches a sales lady at a store and says "I would like to buy my wife some nice gloves."

The sales lady responds "Well that's a nice surprise!"

"Yeah it is," John continues, "She's expecting a diamond ring!"