Funny Jokes

Joke: Student: Would you ever punish someone for something they didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not!
Student: Okay good, because my homework isn't done yet.

Joke: *Man rubs a genie's lamp*
Genie: I am a genie, I will grant any one wish you wish.
Man: Okay. I want infinite wishes!
Genie: Come on, you know the rules. You can't do that.
Man: Okay. Could you make it so I understand women?
Genie: Infinite wishes it is!

Joke: This is the story of how earrings became so popular for men:

John looked over at his coworker Tom. He noticed that he had an earring on one of his ears. Tom was usually a pretty conservative guy so John is curious. He approached Tom and asked him, "If you don't mind me asking, what's with the earring?"

Tom replied, "Don't worry about it, it's just an earring."

John let it go for a few minutes but then his curiosity peaked again, "So how long have you been wearing and earring?"

Tom replied, "Ever since my wife found it in our bed."

Joke: Little Timmy asked his dad "Where do people come from?"

His dad replied "Adam and Eve were the first people and they had children. Then their children had children and so on."

Later Timmy asked his mom the same question and she said "We evolved from monkeys."

Timmy went to his father and asked him why he lied and told him what his mother had said. His dad replied "Your mom was talking about her side of the family."

Joke: A blonde and a lawyer are sitting next to each other on a plane. The lawyer asks the blonde if she wants to play a game, "All you have to do is ask a question and if i get it wrong or don't know it i give you five dollars, then i ask you a question and if you get it wrong you pay me five dollars."

"No," she says, "I just want to sleep."

He keeps asking and she finally gives in when he says if he gets it wrong he will pay her five hundred dollars, but she still only has to pay five dollars.

"What is the distance from the earth to the moon?" he asks.

She gives him 5 dollars. "What goes up the hill with four legs and comes down with five?" she asks.

He pulls out his laptop and searches it, but finds nothing. Then he emails his friends. After an hour, he still hasn't got an answer, he hands her 500 dollars. Then he asks her, "So what is the answer?"

She hands him 5 dollars.