Funny Jokes

Joke: How many non sequiturs does it take to change a light bulb?

Joke: An old man lies on his deathbed as he holds his wife's hand, "Dear, these are my last moments. Please be honest with me. Our 5th boy, Donald, looks very different from all of the others. He has a different dad from the others, doesn't he."

Weeping, his wife cries out, "Yes! I'm sorry sorry!"

The man replies, "Who? Who is the father?"

The wife looks back at him deeply and says, "It's you..."

Joke: Only a week after Christmas an irate Mum stormed into the toyshop. "I'm bringing back this unbreakable toy fire engine," she said to the man behind the counter. "It's useless!" "Surely he hasn't broken it already?" "No, he's broken all his other toys with it."

Joke: The captain of a pirate ship is under attack one day and he tells his first mate to bring him his red shirt. The mate asks him "Why did you want your red shirt?"

The captain replied "Never let your enemy see you bleed!"

The next day somebody spots 200 ships coming their way. The captain sighs and says "Bring me my brown pants!"

Joke: Customer: The new one I bought from you sucks more than the old one!
Customer service: I'm glad to hear you are satisfied with your new vacuum sir.