Funny Jokes

Joke: A man is at the bar looking sad. The bartender asks him, "What's with the long face?"

He replies, "I've had three wives, but they've all died."

The bartender replies, "Wow, how'd they go?"

The man replies, "Well, the first one ate poisonous mushrooms."

The bartender asks, "What about the second one?"

He replies, "Poisonous mushrooms."

The bartender asks, "And the third ate poisonous mushrooms?"

The man replies, "Nope she was strangled."

The bartender asks, "Oh no, why?"

The man replies, "She wouldn't eat the damn mushrooms."

Joke: Chemist 1: Did you know they discovered a new element?
Chemist 2: No, what's it called?
Chemist 1: It's symbol is Ah.
Chemist 2: Oh... The element of surprise.

Joke: Two men were walking through a forest and spotted an aggressive looking bear. The first man took his running shoes out of his backpack and started to put them on. The second man said "You really think you can outrun that bear?"

The first man replied "Don't have to... I just have to outrun you."

Joke: Have you heard that kangaroos can jump higher than a two-story house?

Joke: A doctor receives a phone call from one of his colleges, "Hey, we need a fourth for poker."

The doctor replies, "I'll be there."

His wife asks him, "Is it serious?"

He replies, "There's already three doctors there and they need me."