Funny Jokes

Joke: A faith healer visits a small town. During his healing session a man with crutches approaches him, "Ever since I was a boy I couldn't walk without these, can you heal me?"

The healer yells back, "All that believe will receive! Go behind the curtain."

Another man approaches him, "F-f-f-fix my st-st-st-stutter?"

The healer yells back, "All that believe will receive! Go behind the curtain."

The healer starts praying and yells, "Drop your crutches!" He continues to pray and yells, "Now tell us in a clear voice, how do you feel?"

The man replies, "The f-f-fucker f-f-fell on his f-f-f-f-face."

Joke: A man is at the bar looking sad. The bartender asks him, "What's with the long face?"

He replies, "I've had three wives, but they've all died."

The bartender replies, "Wow, how'd they go?"

The man replies, "Well, the first one ate poisonous mushrooms."

The bartender asks, "What about the second one?"

He replies, "Poisonous mushrooms."

The bartender asks, "And the third ate poisonous mushrooms?"

The man replies, "Nope she was strangled."

The bartender asks, "Oh no, why?"

The man replies, "She wouldn't eat the damn mushrooms."

Joke: Chemist 1: Did you know they discovered a new element?
Chemist 2: No, what's it called?
Chemist 1: It's symbol is Ah.
Chemist 2: Oh... The element of surprise.

Joke: Two men were walking through a forest and spotted an aggressive looking bear. The first man took his running shoes out of his backpack and started to put them on. The second man said "You really think you can outrun that bear?"

The first man replied "Don't have to... I just have to outrun you."

Joke: Have you heard that kangaroos can jump higher than a two-story house?