Funny Jokes

Joke: A man goes home and asks his wife, "If I won the lotto, what would you do?"

She replies, "I'd leave you and take half."

The man pulls out a ticket, "I just won $10. Here's five, now get out."

Joke: It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: "Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing."

Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "Will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class."

Joke: When can a woman make you a millionaire?

Joke: A man dies and goes to Heaven. Immediately God explains to him the basics of Heaven, "In Heaven a penny is worth a million dollars and a minute lasts a million years."

The guy says, "Sweet, can I have a penny?"

God replies, "In a minute!"

Joke: One blonde asks another while driving, "Is my blinker working?"

The other replies, "Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no."