Dirty Jokes

Joke: A 54-year-old man feels guilty about cheating on his wife so he leaves her a note, "I've been sleeping with a girl 1/3 my age."

The woman finds his note and leaves him one of her own: "I know you've been sleeping with an 18-year-old, but so have I. Since you like math so much, 18 goes into 54 a lot more than 54 goes into 18."

Joke: Three prostitutes walk into a bar. The first one holds up four fingers, "I can take this inside of me!"

The second one holds up a fist, "I can take all of this."

The last prostitute, with a smile, slowly slides down the stool.

Joke: A penis' life is so sad. His hair is always messy, his neighbor is an asshole, his family is nuts, his best friend is a pussy, and all his owner does is beat him and put bags over his head.

Joke: What is long and hard that every polish woman gets on her wedding night?

Joke: A man goes to the doctor and tells him, "I don't feel good doc, I have a sharp pain in my ass."

The doctor tells him to turn around and drop his pants for a prostate exam. After beginning the prostate exam, the doctor almost immediately finds a $50 bill, "Did you know you had a $50 bill up there?"

The man replies, "No, I had no idea. But I do feel a little better."

The doctor continues the exam and finds another $50 bill. Then another. And another. After a few minutes he finds the last one and says, "Sir, why in the world did you have $1,950 in your ass?"

The man, feeling much better, replies, "I'm not sure. But I wasn't feeling too grand."