Dirty Jokes

Joke: A doctor specializing in circumcision retires after 30 years on the job. He kept all of the foreskins from all of the circumcisions he has ever performed. In remembrance of his career, he goes to a leathersmith and tells him to make something out of them.

A week later he presents the doctor with a wallet. The doctor asks him, "This is all you could make out of all of those foreskins?"

The leathersmith replies, "It's kinda cold in here. Stroke it a little and you'll have yourself a briefcase."

Joke: A 90-year-old man goes to the doctor for his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he is and he replies, "Great, I'm 90 years old, I have an 20 year old bride, and she's pregnant with my child."

The doctor looks at him for a second, "Let me tell you a story. A knew a man who loved to hunt. One day he went out and was in such a hurry he grabbed an umbrella instead of a gun. As soon as he got out there a bear jumped out of the woods at him. He grabbed his umbrella, pointed it at the bear, and squeezed the handle. You know what happened next?"

The old man, dumbfounded, replies, "No, what?"

"The bear dropped dead right there!"

The old man protests, "Someone else must have shot the bear!"

The doctor nods, "Exactly."

Joke: A woman and her husband's friend are laying in bed just after having sex. Suddenly the phone rings. She answers the phone, "Okay... Okay honey... I'll see you then," she hangs up the phone and turns to her husband's friend, "He's not going to be home for a while, he's playing cards with you."

Joke: A girl walks up to her father and asks him, "Daddy, what's sex?"

He looks at her and decides it's time. So he tells her about the birds and the bees, masturbation, sperm, pregnancy, and STD's. After a lengthy speech he asks her, "So what made you ask about sex?"

She replies, dumbfounded, "Mommy said lunch would be ready in a couple of sex."

Joke: What gets bigger every time you see your wife?