Dirty Jokes

Joke: Little Kyle runs into his house one day and immediately confronts his dad, "Dad! I heard these kids at school talking about how awesome a vagina is. What is a vagina, what does it look like?"

The father answers "Well son, before you use it it looks like a beautiful flower."

Kyle asks "What about after you use it?"

The father smiles and asks "Have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?"

Joke: A male whale sees the harpoon ship that killed his parents years ago. He quickly swims to his wife and tells her he wants to attack the harpoon ship. She tells him they will surely die but after he tells her his plan she agrees to help him.

Both of the whales get under the boat and begin to blow air bubbles at the boat. The boat starts to rock and eventually tips over. The male whale starts to eat the sailors but his wife swims away. So he asks her "Why aren't you eating them?"

She replies "I agreed to blow, but I'm not going to swallow seamen."

Joke: A guy is getting busy with a call girl and he finds a piece of corn. He gags a little bit but gets over it and continues going down on her. But he later finds a chunk of carrot and says "I'm going to be sick."

The prostitute looks at him and says "Huh, that's what the last guy said!"

Joke: One night a cab driver picks up a nun. The driver stares at the nun for a while and finally asks "Can I ask you a question sister?"

The nun replies "Yes my son."

"I've always had the fantasy of a nun performing oral sex on me. Could you help me with that?"

The nun replies "Only if you are unmarried and Catholic."

The cab driver excitedly responds "Yes! I'm both!" So the driver pulls into the nearest ally and lives his fantasy.

Shortly after he starts to cry and admits "I'm Jewish and I'm married... I'm so sorry sister."

The nun shrugs and says "It's fine. My real name is John and I'm heading to a Christmas party."

Joke: One day Tom sees Joe's wife naked sunbathing in their backyard. When Tom sees Joe he brags "I've seen your wife naked."

To get back at him Joe sneaks into Tom's yard the next night and sees his wife performing oral sex. Joe sees Tom a couple of days later and tells him "Guess what? I saw your wife giving you oral a couple of days ago."

Tom laughs and replies "Good try, I wasn't in town a couple of days ago!"