Dirty Jokes

Joke: What three words does no woman want to hear during sex?

Joke: Thomas was out of work with the flu for a couple of weeks. When he gets back to work his friend Joe asks him, "Hey, are you doing okay?"

Thomas replies, "It was the best!"

Joe replies, "What? Weren't you sick?"

"My wife truly loves me," Thomas explains,"Every time a delivery guy or the mailman came to the door she would run to the door yelling, 'My husband is home! My husband is home!'"

Joke: A guy and a girl are just finishing up having sex in the guys dorm and the girl turns in says "I can't believe I did it! I'm not a virgin anymore."

The guy hears her and asks "So I was your first?"

She replies "Yeah, I always told myself I would wait for the man I loved, my soul mate."

The guy smiles and asks "So you really love me?"

The girl answers "God no! I just got over that silly dream."

Joke: Three pregnant women are discussing their babies and the first says "I know I'm going to have a boy, I'm always on the bottom when we have sex."

The second woman says "I'm definitely going to have a girl, I'm always on top."

The final woman eyes get wide as she says "If that's how it works I guess I'm having a doggy."

Joke: A young bachelor goes to the store to buy a few things: a case of beer, some condoms, and a bag of chips. He goes to checkout and the lady cashier says "You must be single."

He asks her "You knew that from just what I'm buying?"

She replies "No, you're just really ugly."