Dirty Jokes

Joke: A man is sitting next to a woman and her baby. The woman begins to breastfeed, but her baby won't take it. So she tells the baby, "If you don't drink it the nice man is going to have to take it."

Five minutes later she tries again and the baby still won't take it. So she tells her, "Come on, I'm going to give it to this nice man."

Another five minutes goes by and the baby still won't take it. The anxious man blurts out "Come on kid, make up your mind! I was supposed to get off 5 stops ago!"

Joke: A blonde, brunette, and red head all work at the same office. Their boss, who is also female, leaves the office everyday early. So one day the brunette tells the other two, "The boss leaves early everyday, we should take off early."

They all leave the office early. The brunette goes to the movies, the red head goes to the bar, and the brunette heads home to her husband. When she gets there she discovers that her boss is at her house making love to her husband. She parks in the street and waits for her boss to leave.

The next day they are all talking and the brunette says, "That was so much fun! We should do it again."

The blonde replies, "No way! I almost got caught."

Joke: After twenty years of marriage a man and his wife go to the hotel they celebrated their first night of marriage in. The wife strips her clothes off and asks, "What did you think when you saw me naked for the first time?"

The husband replies, "I wanted to fuck you stupid and suck those titties dry."

She smiles and asks him, "What do you think now?"

He replies, "I think I did a pretty damn good job."

Joke: What did the alien say when a man found him masturbating in his fridge?

Joke: A guy was sending dirty photos to his girlfriend, but he accidentally sent a photo of his bottom half to his grandma. She had bad sight so he didn't think much of it. Later that week she calls him and says "You're looking good, but I don't like your haircut. It makes your nose look too big."