Dirty Jokes

Joke: What do you get when you insert human DNA into a chimpanzee?

Joke: A man goes to a jewelry store with his girlfriend looking for a wedding ring on Friday. He tells the jeweler, "I need a very special ring for my girlfriend."

The jeweler looks around for a bit and finds a $5,000 ring, "This is a very nice one."

The man yells at the jeweler, "This isn't nearly expensive enough! Get me a better one!"

The jeweler scrambles and finds a $40,000 ring, "How about this one sir?"

The man replies, "That's more like it! I'll write you a check right now. But I know you want to verify I have the funds so I'll pick it up Monday afternoon after you check."

On Monday the jeweler calls the man, "Sir, you don't have nearly enough money in your bank account."

The man replies, "I know, but let me tell you about my weekend!"

Joke: A blonde woman wants to bath in milk because she heard it makes your skin silky smooth. So when the milkman comes she tells him "I'm going to need 25 gallons of milk."

He replies "Damn, what for?"

She tells him "I want to bath in it."

Confused he asks her "Would you like that pasteurized?"

She replies "No, just up to my tits is fine. I'll splash it on my eyes."

Joke: Four blondes are sitting outside on Christmas Eve. Santa flies by and cheers, "Ho, ho, ho!"

One of the blondes yells back, "Hey! What about me Santa?"

Joke: Two trees are next to each other in the forest, a birch and a beech. A sapling sprouts up between them but they don't know whose it is.

A woodpecker shows up and lands on the sapling. The trees ask him, "We can't tell whose sapling that is. Is it a son of a birch or son of a beech?"

The woodpecker says, "It's neither, but it is the best piece of ash I've ever put my pecker in."