Dirty Jokes

Joke: Two guys are walking down the street when they see a dog licking his balls. One of the men says, "Man, I wish I could do that!"

The other replies, "Haha, yeah... You might want to pet him first though."

Joke: A man is having sex with a married woman when her husband comes home from work early. The man runs into the closet where he hears a little voice, "Sure is dark in here."

The man replies, "Yes it is."

The boys voice says, "Wanna buy this baseball for $50?"

The man replies, "What? That's outrageous."

The boy says, "Or I can just show you my dad's shotgun."

"Okay kid, here you go," the man replies as he hands the kid the money.

The next week the man is making love to the married woman and again her husband comes home early sending him to the closet. He hears the boy's voice, "It sure is dark in here... $1000 for the glove."

The man replies, "What?! That is completely ridiculous."

The boy again says, "Would you rather see the shotgun?"

The man hands him the money and takes the glove.

The next day the boy is complaining to his father that he sold his glove and ball. The father asked him, "How much you get for it?"

The boy replies, "$1050."

The father says, "You shouldn't take advantage of your friends like that! I'm taking you to church."

At church the boy gets into the confessional box and says, "It sure is dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start this shit again!"

Joke: John is catching peanuts in his mouth while sitting on the couch next to his wife. John's daughter comes into the house with her date and a peanut gets stuck in John's ear. Her date offers to help him. Her date sticks his fingers into John's nose and tells him to blow. The peanut flies out of his ear. His daughter goes to the kitchen with her date and his wife asks "Do you think she likes him?"

John says "From the smell of his fingers she likes him a lot."

Joke: I was having sex with my girlfriend the other day and she kept yelling some other guy's name. Who the heck is Rape?

Joke: Why's an abortion clinic the worst place to lock your keys in your car?