Dirty Jokes

Joke: A blonde woman was giving me a hand job in the dark. She told me "You have the biggest penis I've ever held!"

I told her "No, you're pulling my leg."

Joke: What do you call someone who has herpes, AIDS, and hepatitis C?

Joke: What happened when Jesus went to mount Olive?

Joke: How is a 9 volt battery like your girlfriend's asshole?

Joke: A woman wakes up in the middle of the night to find her husband is not in bed. She goes down stairs and finds him in the kitchen sipping coffee. She asks him, "What's wrong?"

He replies, "Exactly twenty years ago we conceived our first child."

His wife starts to cry, "I can't believe you remember that."

He continues, "Yeah. You were 15 and I was 18, your dad caught us and put his shotgun against my back. He told me, 'If you don't marry her, you will rot in jail for twenty years,'" with this a tear goes down his face, "I would have gotten out today."