Dirty Jokes

Joke: A man a his wife are having dinner when a beautiful woman approaches their table and kissed the man on the cheek and walks away. His wife asks, "Who the hell was that?"

He replies, "My mistress..."

His wife shouts, "What? I want a divorce!"

He calmly replies, "Fine. But remember, you signed a prenup. If we get divorced that means no more vacations, no more shopping trips, no more credit cards, and no more beautiful house or car. But it's up to you."

She looks at him for a moment then notices one of their mutual friends entering with a beautiful lady, "Who's that with John?" she asks.

He tells her, "That's his mistress."

His wife smiles, "Ours is prettier."

Joke: One night a cab driver picks up a nun. The driver stares at the nun for a while and finally asks "Can I ask you a question sister?"

The nun replies "Yes my son."

"I've always had the fantasy of a nun performing oral sex on me. Could you help me with that?"

The nun replies "Only if you are unmarried and Catholic."

The cab driver excitedly responds "Yes! I'm both!" So the driver pulls into the nearest ally and lives his fantasy.

Shortly after he starts to cry and admits "I'm Jewish and I'm married... I'm so sorry sister."

The nun shrugs and says "It's fine. My real name is John and I'm heading to a Christmas party."

Joke: What's the difference between eating pussy and driving through fog?

Joke: What is green and eats nuts?

Joke: Did you know that 9 out of 10 guys masturbate regularly?