Dirty Jokes

Joke: A penis' life is so sad. His hair is always messy, his neighbor is an asshole, his family is nuts, his best friend is a pussy, and all his owner does is beat him and put bags over his head.

Joke: A man, his wife, and his son all go to a nude beach. Naturally, the young son has lots of questions. He runs to his father, "Dad! Dad! All of the women have these things hanging from their chests!"

His father tells him, "Son, those are breasts. The women with large ones are dumb and the small ones are smart."

Soon after the son comes running again, "Mom! Mom! All of the guys have these things dangling between their legs!"

The mom replies, "Those are called penis'. The men with the big ones are dumb and the men with small ones are smart."

A little bit later the son runs up to his mom and asks her, "Mom! Mom! Is being dumb contagious? Dad is talking to a really dumb lady and he keeps getting dumber and dumber."

Joke: A woman and her husband's friend are laying in bed just after having sex. Suddenly the phone rings. She answers the phone, "Okay... Okay honey... I'll see you then," she hangs up the phone and turns to her husband's friend, "He's not going to be home for a while, he's playing cards with you."

Joke: A man driving down the road slams on his breaks and honks the horn because there is a car stopped in the middle of the road. He storms out of his car and looks inside of the parked car to see a naked couple laying inside. He yells at them, "What are you doing in the middle of the road?! Why didn't you move when I honked?"

The naked man in the car yells back, "You were coming, I was coming, and she was coming. You were the only one with brakes!"

Joke: What is similar between men and women?