Dirty Jokes

Joke: Son: Dad! I just went on a date with the neighbor's daughter Jane, and I think I love her!
Father: Oh no, I'm sorry I never told you son. She is my daughter. Don't tell your mother.
*A few weeks pass and the son goes out with another girl*
Son: Dad! Dad! I met an even hotter girl! I think I love her! It's the other neighbor's daughters Sally!
Father: Oh no, I'm sorry I never told you son. She is my daughter too. Don't tell your mother.
*This happened several times and finally the son goes to his mother in anger*
Son: Mom! Mom! I've fallen in love with twelve girls, but dad keeps telling me he's their father!
Mom: Don't worry about what he says, he's not your father.

Joke: Tom and John are hanging out. Tom asks John, "It's fuckin' freezin' in here. Can you get me my fuckin' slippers?"

John goes upstairs to get the slippers and he comes across Tom's hot 21-year-old twin sisters. He tells them, "Your brother told me to have sex with both of you."

One of the sisters replies, "Prove it!"

John yells downstairs, "Tom! Both of them?!."

Tom yells back, "Of course! What's the point of fuckin' one?!."

Joke: What is the definition of making love?

Joke: What does every pirate hate?

Joke: A doctor told a man, "You're going to have to stop masturbating."

The man asked him "Why?"

The doctor replied "It is extremely distracting."