Dirty Jokes

Joke: A man in a restaurant sees an extremely attractive woman sitting alone, so he decides to send her a nice bottle of wine. The waiter brings the wine to the lady. The lady looks at the bottle for a moment and sends a message back to the man. It reads: 'For me to accept this bottle of wine you must have a Mercedes in your garage, a few million dollars in your bank, and seven inches in your pants.'

He reads the message, laughs, and sends back one of his own: 'Just send it back. I have a Ferrari, Mercedes, and a Corvette. I have twenty million in the bank and a house in Aspen, LA, and Miami. But I will NEVER cut three inches off for any woman.'

Joke: A guy asks his grandma, "Have you seen some pills around here? They are labeled LSD?"

His grandma replies, "Fuck your pills, there's a dragon in the kitchen!"

Joke: A man in his 20's goes to the bar with his friends. Immediately a lady in her mid-forties starts buying him drinks. Later on she invites him back to her house. He says no, but she offers him some mother daughter action if he comes home with her. He agrees.

Now very excited, they head to her place and go to her bedroom. They start to get into it so he begins to think the mother daughter action was a lie. When he asks about it the lady walks to the stairs and yells up, "Mom! This guy wants to meet you!"

Joke: A blonde woman and her boyfriend are making love when she suddenly freezes and stops moving. Her boyfriend is shocked, "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

She replies, "I was watching porn and I saw them doing this, it's called 'buffering'."

Joke: Did you hear about the first time BDSM offender?