Dirty Jokes

Joke: A man and his pregnant wife go to the doctor because she has started labor. When they arrive the doctor tells them of a great new invention he has made. He made a machine that can transfer pain from the mother to the father. The couple is ecstatic and quickly agrees, but the doctor warns the man, "Even 10% of the pain is probably more pain than you've ever felt."

They start at 10% and the husband is not effected at all. He insists they move it up to 50%. He is still not phased by the pain, but his wife is feeling a lot better. So he tells the doctor to give him all of the pain. The woman has her baby with no pain and they are all very happy.

When they get home the UPS man is dead on the porch.

Joke: Three engineers are fighting over what kind of engineer God must be. The first one says, "God must be a mechanical engineer, look at the joints!"

The second engineer says, "No! God must be a electrical engineer, look at the nervous system."

The final engineer says, "It's obvious he is a civil engineer, who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through prime recreational area?"

Joke: Why couldn't Hitler get a blowjob?

Joke: A doctor specializing in circumcision retires after 30 years on the job. He kept all of the foreskins from all of the circumcisions he has ever performed. In remembrance of his career, he goes to a leathersmith and tells him to make something out of them.

A week later he presents the doctor with a wallet. The doctor asks him, "This is all you could make out of all of those foreskins?"

The leathersmith replies, "It's kinda cold in here. Stroke it a little and you'll have yourself a briefcase."

Joke: Three little old ladies are sitting on a park bench feeding birds when a man comes by and flashes them all.

The first two little old ladies both have a stroke, but the third couldn't quite reach.