Dirty Jokes

Joke: A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a zoophile, a necrophiliac, and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution. "Let's have sex with a cat." Suggested the zoophile. "Let's have sex with a cat and then torture it," suggests the sadist. "Let's have sex with a cat, torture it and then kill it!" shouted the murderer. "Let's have sex with a cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophiliac. "Let's have sex with a cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it" said the pyromaniac. There was silence, then the masochist said: "Meow."

Joke: How do you know a blonde is having a bad day?

Joke: A mailman is doing his final route after 30 years on the job. At the first house he goes to they give him an expensive watch. The second family is waiting for him and gives him an expensive bottle of wine.

At the third house their is a hot blonde in lingerie. She takes him into her room and they make love for hours. Then she takes him downstairs and makes him waffles. Finally she gives him a card with $10 in it.

He asks her "Why did you do all of this?"

She replies "When I asked my husband what we should do for you he said 'Fuck him. Give him $10 in a card.' The waffles were my idea."

Joke: A doctor told a man, "You're going to have to stop masturbating."

The man asked him "Why?"

The doctor replied "It is extremely distracting."

Joke: A mortician named John had the terrible task of prepping his best friend Tom to be cremated. Upon inspecting the body, John discovered that Tom has the largest private part he had ever seen. So in the name of preserving it, he cut it off and put it in his bag.

When he got home later that night he told his wife, "You're not going to believe this," and he opened his bag.

"Oh my god!" She yelled in horror, "Sam's dead?!"