Dirty Jokes

Joke: A husband comes home from work one night and his wife tells him that the kitchen sink is leaking and asks if he can fix it. The husband asks her, "Do I look like Mr. fucking Plumber?" She says, "No". So he tells her to call a fucking plumber and have him fix it. The next day he comes home she tells him that the washing machine is broken and asks if he can fix it. He asks her if he looks like the fucking Maytag man and she says no so he tells her to call the fucking Maytag man and have him fix it. The next day when he gets home she tells him that the car is broken and asks if he can fix it. He asks her if he looks like fucking Mr. Goodwrench and she says no so he tells her to call Mr. fucking Goodwrench and have him fix it. The next day when he gets home the sink is fixed, the washing machine is fixed and the car is fixed. He tells her, "Great job honey, you did it!" And she says, "well,... not exactly." He asks her what does she mean by that and she says that this morning when she was trying to get the car started the neighbor boy saw her and asked if he could help. After he fixed the car so quickly she asked him if he knew how to fix washing machines or sinks. He took a look and saw what was needed. She drove him to the parts stores, came back, and he fixed them. "That's GREAT", the husband told her and asked what did they owe him. She said that he told her she could either bake him a cake or give him a blow job. The husband asked what kind of cake did she bake him so she said, "do I look like Betty fucking Crocker?"

Joke: One night Billy walks into his favorite bar in Tennessee and an outsider from out of town was boistfully telling jokes and making fun of people from Tennessee. The man was clearly upsetting a lot of people so Billy asked the man his name and the man answered Jim. Billy asked Jim if he knew the four types of orgasms women have in Tennessee. When Jim answered no, Billy said: "well, I'll tell you Jimbo. The first type of orgasm a woman has in Tennessee is the regular orgasm. That's where she screams 'oh yes, oh yes'. Now Jim the second type of orgasm a woman has in Tennessee is the holy orgasm. That's where she screams, 'oh God, oh God'. Jim, the third type of orgasm a woman has in Tennessee is the unexpected. That's where she screams, 'oh shit, oh shit'. You listening Jim because the fourth type of orgasm a woman has in Tennessee is the fake orgasm. That's where the woman screams, 'oh Jim, oh Jim'."

Joke: What does a woman and an airplane have in common?

Joke: What did the two tampons say to each other?

Joke:   Two college kids that have never tried drugs before decide they're going to buy some on a friday night. They get caught with them and spend the weekend in jail. On Monday morning they go before the judge. They have never been in trouble before and did not have a criminal record. The judge looks them both in the eyes and asks, So I suppose you boys are trying to make a career out of doing drugs now? NO, NO we're not! They both cried out. So the judge thinks about it for a second and then says, I'm going to cut you boys a break. Here's what I want you to do. I want you both to come back in 20 days. And in 20 days time between the two of you, I want you to have found 20 of your College friends that you have talked out of doing drugs and into staying in college. Can you do that? Yes, yes your Honor. They both reply. Then one of the boys asks, How are we supposed to do that? Well I've heard of a big circle little circle method the judge answered but you'll have to go online and figure that out yourselves. Come back and see me in 20 days.(the Judge's gavel comes smacking down) When they come back 20 days later the judge asked the first kid, So how did you do?He answers, (cont. in Punch line below)