Dirty Jokes

Joke: A man goes to an assassin because his wife is sleeping with his best friend. The assassin tells him, "It's going to cost you $1000 per bullet."

The man says, "What if you miss?"

The assassin replies, "I don't miss."

With this they head off to the motel where his wife is with his friend. The man says, "I want my wife shot in the head and I want you to blow my friends dick off."

The assassin takes aim and waits a few minutes, "Aren't you going to shoot?"

The assassin replies, "Hold up, I think I can save you $1000."

Joke: A man is making sweet love to his wife. He looks over to the doorway and sees that his son is watching. The boy runs off so the man tells his wife, "I should go talk to him."

The man goes to his son's room to find him nailing Grandma. The father yells, "What the hell?"

The boy replies, "Not so funny when it's your mom, now is it?"

Joke: Three woman are sitting and talking about the best soda pop based nicknames for their boyfriends. One girl says "My boyfriend is like 7-Up because he can keep it up all week."

The next girl says "Oh yeah? My boyfriend is like Mountain Dew because he can do me on top of my mountains any day."

The last woman says "You can call my boyfriend Jack Daniels."

Another girl protests "You have to compare him to a pop. That's a hard liquor."

The last girl replies with a wink "Exactly."

Joke: A man and his wife go to an art gallery and they come to a piece entitled 'Summer.' It is a painting of a naked woman with leaves covering her. The man's wife asks him "What do you think?"

He replies "I wish it was called Autumn."

Joke: What three words does no woman want to hear during sex?