Clean Jokes

Joke: A pregnant woman wants her child to have very good manners. Every night while she's going to bed she rubs her stomach and says, "Be kind, be kind."

Nine months comes and goes and she doesn't have the baby. She refuses to have doctors look at her because it is against her believes. She dies at the age of 70 and still hasn't given birth. The mystery is solved when doctors inspect her. Inside of her womb they find two little men saying to each other "No brother, after you."

Joke: A blonde and a brunette are walking in the forest when they spot a forest fire. The blonde starts to put her running shoes on and the brunette tells her "There is no way you can outrun the fire."

The blonde replies "Don't have to... I just have to outrun you."

Joke: If there are three men in a boat with a bunch of fireworks but no lighters, what do they do?

Joke: An Amish family goes to the mall. The daughters and mother go shopping and the father and son stop in front of two shiny walls that are sliding apart. An extremely large woman on a scooter rolls into the elevator and the shiny walls move back together.

The man and his son watch as the numbers above the elevator slowly light up until the highest number is illuminated. Then the numbers begin to climb back down and the shiny walls once again part. A gorgeous blonde exits the elevator.

The father, still staring at the woman, whispers to his son "Go get your mother."

Joke: A duck walks into a store and buys a can of soda. The clerk asks him, "Would you like to pay with cash or credit?"

The duck replies, "Just put it on my bill!"