Clean Jokes

Joke: A woman is at a gas station when she noticed a spaceship landing in front of her. An alien stepped out of the spaceship and started to pump gas into it.

The woman noticed that "UFO" was printed on the side of the ship. She turned to the alien and asked "Doesn't UFO stand for unidentified flying object?" The alien answered "No, it stands for unleaded fuel only!"

Joke: An old couple is sitting on their couch and the woman asks her husband "If I die will you get married again."

The husband replies "Well I don't want to be lonely... So yes."

His wife shoots him a dirty look and says "Will you live in our house?"

The husband replies "Well it's already paid off... So yes."

His wife is extremely mad at this point. She asks him "Will she use my golf clubs?!"

The husband replies "Oh no... She's left handed."

Joke: A man is sitting on his porch when he notices two blondes working down the road. They both have shovels. One of them digs a hole and the other immediately fills it in. The man watches them for a few hours and finally approaches them, "You guys look like you're working hard. But I'm not sure what you're trying to accomplish."

One of the blondes replies, "Well there's usually three of us, but the one that plants the trees is sick."

Joke: A boss was complaining in a staff meeting one day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door.

Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said, "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
Lawyers.
Lawyers who?
Everybody knows that!
Lawyers who = Lawyers sue.