Clean Jokes

Joke: A blonde woman goes to a shoe store and wants to buy some alligator shoes, but becomes angry when she sees the price. She storms out of the store saying, "I'm going to catch an alligator and get my own pair of shoes!" The shopkeeper laughs as he watches her leave.

Later as the shopkeeper is driving home, he sees the blonde in a swamp on the side of the road. A 10-foot alligator is swimming right at her but she swiftly knocks the alligator out. She drags it onto some grass where there are a dozen other knocked out alligators. She flips it over and yells, "Ah! This one's barefoot too!"

Joke: An Englishman is walking down the Irish countryside and stops at a river to take a drink. He cups a hand and gets some water. Just as he is about to drink a shepherd yells to him in a thick Irish accent, "Don't drink out the river, it's full of sheep pee!"

The Englishman replies, "I don't understand a word you are saying. I'm English. What'd you say?"

The shepherd replies, "Use both hands, you'll get more that way."

Joke: The Wonderful Husband🐰.... Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: 'Hello' WOMAN: 'Honey, 🐝it's me... R u at the club?' MAN: 'Yes'😍 WOMAN: 'I'm at the City Centre mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000 Is it OK if I buy it?' MAN: 'Sure, go ahead if you really like it.'😘 WOMAN: 'I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2013 Models. I saw one 🚗 I really liked.' MAN: 'How much?' WOMAN: '$98,000' MAN: 'OK, but for that price make sure it comes with all the options.' WOMAN: 'Great! Oh, and one more thing, the house 🏡I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking for $980,000/-.' MAN: 'well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, go the extra 50 thousand if you think it's really a pretty good price.' WOMAN: 'OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much! You’re so generous!' MAN: “You’re worth it. 'Bye!' The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, with mouths wide open 😧 The man turns and asks "Anybody knows whose phone📱 this is?" 😍👏👍😝😳😁

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
I scream.
I scream who?
What are you? An angry owl?

Joke: A man comes home to his blonde wife crying violently. When he asks her what's wrong she replies "I've been working on this puzzle all day, but I can't figure it out! It's supposed to be a tiger."

Her husband grabs her hand gently and replies "Honey, put away the box of frosted flakes."