Clean Jokes

Joke: A woman with brown hair goes to the doctor and tells him "Doctor! I think something is really wrong. My entire body hurts when I touch it." She touches her arm, legs, and stomach screaming in pain each time.

The doctor looks at her for a second and asks "Do you dye your hair?"

The woman surprised says "Yeah I'm naturally blonde. How did you know?"

The doctor replies "That's what I thought, your finger is broken."

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
Euripides!
Euripides who?
Euripides pants and I'm gonna be mad!

Joke: There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit the hotel bar. Upon arriving to the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied "Everything is big in Texas."

A little later the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped and entered the third door. This door lead to the swimming pool and he fell in by accident.

Scared to death, he started shouting "Don't flush, don't flush!"

Joke: Why do farts stink?

Joke: A man went to a brain store to get a brain to complete a study. He sees a sign indicating the profession of each type of brain. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.

"How much does it cost for an engineer's brain?"

"Three dollars an ounce."

"How much does it cost for a programmer's brain?"

"Four dollars an ounce."

"How much for a lawyer's brain?"

"$1,000 an ounce."

"Why is a lawyer's brain so much more?"

"Do you know how many lawyers we had to use to get one ounce of brain?"