Clean Jokes

Joke: The captain of a pirate ship is under attack one day and he tells his first mate to bring him his red shirt. The mate asks him "Why did you want your red shirt?"

The captain replied "Never let your enemy see you bleed!"

The next day somebody spots 200 ships coming their way. The captain sighs and says "Bring me my brown pants!"

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
Wooden shoe!
Wooden shoe who?
Wooden shoe like to know!

Joke: A man gave his wife super glue instead of chap stick.

She still isn't talking to him.

Joke: A man goes on a date with a blonde woman. She asks him, "Do you have any kids?"

He tells her, "I have one that's under two."

The blonde replies, "I know I'm blonde, but I know how much one is."

Joke: Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot." Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: "I'm just kidding!"